The Dark Side

Out of the darkness there must come out the light. ~ Could You Be Loved, Bob Marley

Over the last few weeks, I've been rereading The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford. It's one of our assignments and synchronicity has been bringing up shadows elsewhere. They're always there of course, but showing up in interesting ways. Last night in a yoga class taught by Andrew Colyn was one. He had us all keep our eyes closed the whole time and turned the lights very low. He spoke of shadows, dark and light. We practice Phoenix Rising Yoga with our eyes closed, but this was different since we were practicing Anusara style yoga and even found some balances. I enjoy practicing with my eyes closed, but this was the first time having them closed for postures such as Bakasana - Crow and Virabhadrasana III - Warrior III. 

Before class began, Andrew told us of a blind man who had come to one of his classes and how this had inspired him to think of intermediate practice being more about how much you feel and stay present in your body and not what postures you can do. I strongly agree with yoga being more about how it feels than how it looks... kind of like life. Thanks Andrew for an amazing class.

One of our assignments has been to reflect on a challenging life situation in which our shadow had something to say. Though I can think of many, one in particular stands out at the moment. While booking all of my travel arrangements for my trip to Vermont for Midterm, I came across some delays and challenges. One company (who shall remain nameless) was having website trouble, but this was not mentioned on the website nor on the phone when I made numerous phone calls. I continued trying to buy a ticket for days. The discount for buying ahead of time expired and I was becoming increasingly frustrated that I could not simply purchase a ticket as I had before. My shadow was telling all kinds of tales about how I wanted to deal with the situation and I chose to see what I could get with honey rather than vinegar. What I got was a conversation with a supervisor who spoke with me as if I was stupid and did not now how to use a website because it was clearly working from his end (except for the fact that he was not actually purchasing anything). This led to more shadow talk and more phone calls. In the next phone call I was told the website was not functioning properly. The outcome is that I am purchasing my ticket in person at full price.

I was unimpressed to say the least and had all kinds of ideas about how my shadow "bitch" would deal with this. My critic, judge and ego all had things to say as well. If they had been allowed to deal with it, at least one person at that company would have gotten an earful. Since I worked in retail in the past I know that customers can take things out on the wrong person and I do not like to do this to anyone else, but the one employee that talked down to me was deserving in my mind. I see ego written all over this for me. "How could he speak to me that way?" My shadow would have told this person where to "place" the phone when we were finished our call. In all my imagining of how I "could" have handled this situation, I realized that I have a very nasty/bitchy side to me (not an epiphany), but that I hold it back to be "nice" even if my tone is dripping with that nastiness or my blood pressure is rising. I have also been known to shed a tear rather than anger. What I learn from this person is that I do not tolerate people speaking down to others or acting superior and I see that my feelings of unworthiness have caused me to do this at times as well. Out of the darkness comes the light.

What I learn from all of this is that my shadow is there for a reason and keeping it hidden is not serving me. It can "stand up" for me when I need it to. Allowing it to be my friend and serve me in appropriate ways would be much better than giving myself an aneurysm trying to be "nice" or having it show up inappropriately. I still have a chance to let it serve me in person at the ticket counter, so we'll see how it goes.

How does your shadow serve you?