The Sound of Silence

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Core asset... May I always know when to be silent :)

On Saturday, I observed a day of silence which was another assignment. I have had silent days in the past and I normally would stay home and be in the silence, but this was different. Recently, I received an email from Sol Yoga, in White Rock, about a silent retreat they were having. Shortly after that I received my next set of assignments and noticed that one was a day of silence and journaling about it. The synchronicity helped me decide which day would become silent. Since Sol Yoga is in White Rock, and so are my naturopaths, I decided to combine a trip and made an appointment. I let them know I would not be speaking that day and was curious how it would go. I wanted to get biofeedback to listen to my body anyway, so what better way but in silence.

I must say, driving from Port Moody to White Rock (about a 45 minute drive), was the first test of my ability to be silent. Words found a way of escaping out of my mouth a couple times. When someone did not move at a green light until it was almost yellow (even after honking my horn) and when my blinker indicating I was merging, with the rest of my lane into the one lane through the construction zone on Lougheed Highway, was not quite enough to show my intent. How easily "come on" and "are you letting me in?" tumbled out of my mouth before I could catch them. Funnier still was that they were barely above a whisper, but not the silence I had intended on.

 My next "slip of the tongue" was while walking the path down Crescent Beach towards the yoga center. A little boy was walking behind his parents coming towards me and he and I smiled at one another. He said something as he passed me, to which I turned to wave at him and he waved back and said, "Bye!" An automatic "bye" was my response. Then I giggled silently realizing how quick my tongue can be and how reactive speaking can be.
I had gone to the naturopaths before this and spent the hours there nodding and writing anything that needed to be communicated. It felt awkward to have them speak and not reply, but I was able to stay silent besides the odd giggle. I even went to a restaurant/cafe for lunch and ordered by writing in my notebook. Somehow writing Tuna on salad, as they had in their menu, got me a tuna sandwich, but I didn't speak when it arrived at the table... mostly because I was in shock (lol) and I had to eat and get to the studio.

The silent retreat was 3 hours of yoga, pranayama, meditation and a walking meditation out to the beach and back. How divine. Though there was still sound from the street and beach outside and a singing bowl, my mind and body found some much appreciated silence. Thanks Marita :)

On the way home, I stopped to buy some groceries and a trip to the deli counter had me mouthing the words "I can't talk" to the girl behind the counter. As she helped me, she also became silent and mouthed "you're welcome" to my "thank you." This reminded me of the walking meditation and something Marita said afterwards... "Did you notice how others became more silent as well?" Very interesting to see that happen.

Today, I am still contemplating silence. In my silence, I noticed each sound become more alive. I also noticed just how noisy thoughts can be and the outside world as well. There is so much within silence. All sound comes from silence. The silence between is what makes all things... such as music, words, thoughts. Just as space and emptiness create everything. I'm intrigued to work with silence more. To see what it brings in life and in sessions. Space for what is and more. Silence really is "golden"... precious, rare and worth its weight. Lol and also sometimes loud.

Satya - Truth and Integrity

Dedicated to truth and integrity (Satya), our thoughts, words, and actions gain the power to manifest.
Sutra 11.36 The Secret Power of Yoga

My truth in this moment is that I'm tired, but I'm working on a homework assignment that was due by midnight, so I'm also pushing the envelope a little bit. This is the last assignment of all that were due and I'm intrigued by all that I have discovered along the way.

Another truth for me has been the enjoyment of taking things slower... of fully digesting. I find this in my yoga practice both for me and how I teach. I love for yoga to be one of those times when everything slows down. It's not a race to the finish or a way to exercise as hard as I can, but a chance to go within myself, find stillness, and movement that is more relaxed but also alive. I love to close my eyes and feel both my strength and my softness.

This digesting idea showed up for me today after realizing how much I eat on the go. I have noticed this many times and yet it had become a habit or samskara (groove or rut... like in the mud). Between classes, before going out or even while driving (a tendency from a job that had me in my car all day, every day). I was contemplating how I'd like to also slow down in that way because it has been showing up for me that I have stressed my body out (hence the rash that I spoke of that was me trying to cure psoriasis that was on the back of my neck and causing myself further stress and more discomfort and a further breakout of the first issue after treating the second). So today, when I got home from teaching Restorative and Hatha classes, I took time for a walking meditation from my car down the street to my door and then an eating meditation, which felt so amazing. I decided that I wanted to do the same with other things that show up in life. When I wrote another assignment on what I learned about receiving feedback from a learning session, during Orientation, this really hit home (I learned that compliments and constructive criticism have been harder to digest than I thought because I had been deflecting both, but feeling more comfortable hearing the negative).

I want to chew my experiences slowly, taste them, roll them around on my tongue, salivate all over them, then swallow and digest them (like the raisin meditation I bring to class sometimes). That way I can better integrate things into my life. I also experienced this on Wednesday when a lady came up to me after class with great feedback about what she experienced in my slow flow class. I was able to fully take in her honesty, gratitude and appreciation for what the class facilitated for her. I was truly touched by her heart within her words and felt so connected to her speaking her truth and confirming mine at the same time.

So my big truth now is to really practice what I teach... in all of the rest of my life off the mat... not just when I have time, but always. My body has been speaking of this truth for a while and I have always known the truth about the body being the best teacher... I guess I needed to slow down to hear it more.

The other truth in that is the "shedding of my skin" like a snake. Cobra has become my teacher and my friend, my partner, my truth. I united with Cobra once and have experienced Cobra's power since and it shows up in my life in every aspect. Not just on the mat. I have been shedding my skin literally and figuratively as I leave behind old aspects of myself and renew myself and become new. I'm reminded of the Phoenix Rising as well :)

Core assets... slow down, take time to digest food and life, and unite with yourself through yoga.

The Journey of Self-Healing

When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others, I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, reminding me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.  ~ Gerald Jampolsky

I would also say resisting the temptation to judge self reveals the teacher within forgiveness and the peace that brings. Finding space to just let myself be feels so much better than the judging mind and it's constant analysis.

As I near the end of the first packet of Level  Three Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy training, I find myself contemplating the journey of self-healing in many ways... for myself, for others, and for both within an assignment that is part of packet one. Part of that assignment is reading A Gradual Awakening by Stephen Levine (pictured at the end of this post). As life (not luck) would have it, I found this book in a used book store years before hearing of PRYT and loved it immediately. Now that I've reread it (more than once) and looked at it in connection with Yoga Therapy sessions, I see so much more within it's pages and the author's words. For instance when it comes to judging self and others, I now see how that can get in the way, not only of life, but of self-healing and supporting the self-healing of others.

The experience of giving, receiving, and reflecting on sessions shows me where the judging mind may creep in and how that can distract from what is actually going on in the moment. If I can stay neutral, there is much more opportunity for self-healing to take the path it needs. While giving sessions, if I notice my judging mind commenting on what my client is experiencing and what it thinks that means or what I should do about it, it's a good time to take a breath and come back to being a witness or step out of the way.

Brilliantly put, by Levine, on page 45...

When the judging mind is clearly noted, its fragile nature can be observed. We see opinions forming and melting away like snowflakes. We see that each comment is like a bubble. When awareness touches it, it's insubstantiality, its essential emptiness, becomes readily apparent. The likes and dislikes of the judging mind are just old karma and conditioning running off. But if we compulsively react to these prefernces, if we identify with them, they become the cause of new karma. Judging can be very subtle; a single moment of praise or blame, of liking or disliking polarizes our whole world. This automatic clinging and condemning of the judging mind is an ongoing karmic flow that need not be the motivator of new karma-creating action. A moment of judgmental mind, a mind lost in identification with old preferences, is a moment of forgetfulness, of ignorance. A moment of recognition of judgmental mind is a moment of freedom and wisdom.

When it comes to my own self-healing, I am again better off staying out of the way. If I judge myself from where I am in the moment, I am only seeing my past and not my potential, which could keep me stuck in that. Same goes for my clients. Being open to the path of self-healing means leaving lots of space for that path to be explored rather than judging what is showing up in the meantime. Here I am reminded of hiking. A trail that I love near Buntzen Lake takes a path up the mountain through the forest. If I were to judge the whole trail as it is in the middle, I would think it to be without a view (besides the trees), challenging, and perhaps never ending if I gave up somewhere along the way. However, when I keep going, staying open to possibilities of more, I find myself at the top of the mountain, looking out over the whole lower mainland, with open sky, quiet beauty, and a view that is breath-taking. All which would be missed if not for the challenging hike up through the trees.

When I practice mindfulness, both in life and in facilitating PRYT sessions, I am open to more possibilities. With mindfulness, I can stay out of the way of what I may not see happening in the moment from the standpoint of judging mind. I have already seen this in sessions when I have assumed something and been wrong and when I have stayed neutral and been amazed. Time to play more with neutrality and staying open to being amazed.

Core assets... staying open to the possibilities in the journey of self-healing.

What I Have Learned From My Body On and Off the Mat

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is something I have learned through experience, but often reading a quote as a reminder helps it sink in again. It is true for me in that what others say may not feel like my truth. I know it is also true that what I say may not feel like truth for someone else. Hence, words of consolation or trying to make something better for someone else may be futile. Sometimes I may strike the right chord, other times I'm way off. Peace of mind can only come from the mind that is open to that peace.

What I have learned from yoga is that it is best for me to listen to my own body. This is true on the mat when pain is telling me I've gone too far and off the mat when my body is speaking in other ways. My body is always speaking to me. The question is only ever whether I am listening or not. This can be very different from what my mind may say ,and though my mind and body are ultimately one in the same, they often speak very different languages.

In this moment, my body is speaking to me with a rash that says I ingested something I was better off not to, and that I was listening to another truth other than my own. This rings true in yoga class when someone on another mat has a pose that looks different from my own. In the case of my skin... if I had listened to my body more, it may be a different story, but now my body is teaching me something (many things) I may not have learned otherwise (or needed to be reminded of). I have noticed that the body speaks up quietly at first and then gets louder if unheard and takes the form that we are sure to listen to. Kind of like how the mind knows the thing that will get attention as well. 

One of my favourite things while teaching is to let everyone find their own posture or form of movement. While I am the guide for the class, the bodies attending the class are the ultimate teachers. Of course, since we may have been taught to listen to others for guidance, this can be a little strange at first. There is still a need for a teacher to guide, offer suggestions, and perhaps challenges, but each body must be listened to by each individual. This is where yoga again moves off the mat. When I can take that into the rest of my life, I find I have the perfect teacher for me. Others have the perfect teacher for them.

When my body has something to reveal to me, taking time to listen is a big part of the answer. As I move further into my training and facilitate more people listening to their bodies, I must remember to take time to listen to my own. Speaking of... my meditation practice calls... another great form of sadhana (practice).

Extremely important core asset... listening to our own body. Teaching Hatha Core tomorrow night has me thinking of many other core assets... like Plank Pose and many variations :)


Bought this book at a meditation and partner yoga workshop over the weekend.